I’m in control.

I used to love to write, I used to feel better after dumping all my thoughts and feelings in a blog post and sharing it to get it all out of my system. It used to be the best way for me to clear my mind and let go of any hurt or anger I was carrying. It’s something I did for myself, not for anyone else.

I don’t write to please an audience or provide entertainment. I write for me, and in the hope that I might inspire someone else to speak out about the things that scare them. Whether it be a thought, feeling or a situation.

I haven’t been writing because of the fear of judgement from friends and family, writing and talking have both became difficult suddenly. I appreciate all concern, I also appreciate that my posts are not always easy for a loved one to read, nor are they particularly upbeat. However you have to understand I don’t write as a cry for help, it’s a way to express myself, a method of healing.

I haven’t wrote much for a couple or months now and I’ve noticed a few things;

  • I’m super angry
  • I feel rather numb/hollow
  • I’m tired, because keeping things in is exhausting
  • Lacking enthusiasm for almost everything
  • No motivation
  • Low periods last longer
  • I have no other outlet

It’s become clear to me that writing my blog posts has helped me more than I realised. Not writing has meant I’ve kept things bottled up, I’ve stopped talking and become uncomfortable talking about how I feel. I’m lacking confidence and life feels ‘too much’ several days a week. It’s decreased my confidence and self belief, stumped creativity and worst of all has had no benefits whatsoever.

I may not feel like sharing or writing all the time but from now on I’m going to go back to writing what I want to write and saying how I really feel. If you have an opinion then please feel free to share it with me, but don’t expect an apology if the response isn’t what you’d hoped.

Once again its important that you know the support I have is amazing but there is only so much other people can do for you. The most important part is learning what you can do to help yourself and sticking to that for as long as you need and can.

What is it people say about anxiety, ‘do the things that scare you‘?

Where to find help:

1 thought on “I’m in control.

  1. Lorraine (mummy) October 19, 2018 — 7:25 am

    Your an inspiration to us all Paige Josiephine. Keep up the writing it’s always thought provoking .❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

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