I saw God today, I asked him if I’m ready
’cause my eyes are getting heavy
And my patience is wearing thin
I’m a nervous wreck, I’m a mess, I’m a waste of time
If I could ask for anything it would be one good sleep tonight
And I guess, I’m moving back home.. In a week or so
Forget about what I said, I was drunk when I said it
I got the note you wrote, I cried when I read it
I don’t wanna speak, just let me watch TV
I’ll see you in the morning, have a good evening and sweet dreams
And I guess, I’m moving back home.. in a week or so.
Moose Blood – Moving Home
It’s not my favourite song, nor is it one I’d heard before today but it kinda sums up my life right now.
I hit the low I’d been dreading. I knew it would come. I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was. I’m moving back home.
Truth is, as happy, fun and exciting the last few months have been, I’ve been running away. Running from all responsibilities, turning to alcohol, partying and music, literally running away, jumping in my car and just whizzing off and doing everything I can to avoid my troubles and feelings.
As far as getting myself into trouble goes, I’ve been lucky. There have been a few occasions on which I’ve ran off on my own, drank far too much but fortunalty woke up at home the next day. I haven’t gone and gotten black out drunk every night, I don’t touch drugs and I’m normally not on my own, however that doesn’t mean I haven’t abused myself, friends and family over the last few months. I’ve been very selfish and although I don’t have any regrets I can see that I can’t carry on living how I have been.
So, I’ve moved back home.
Time to start over… again 😂 ! This time though I’m going to de-clutter my life. Out with the old! I’ve starting sorting out the problems I’m facing. They feel like mountains right now but are in fact molehills. I’m asking for help and I’m starting to think a little more long term. (A teeny bit!)
I’m still off the meds and will continue without them. As far as decisions go, this is the one I am determined to stick to. It’s been a month and a half now and I’m still doing so much better than I thought possible. I’m proud of myself for taking this step, for me it’s the right thing.
In regards to moving home, it’s going to be a challenge for me and my family. As you can imagine, after 4 years of not being there, I have collected a serious amount of belongings. Some of which are just ‘things‘, some hold a lot of memories which I am finally ready to let go of and some which I’ll want to hold on to.
My advice to those who haven’t left home yet or are perhaps considering it, don’t leave until you are ready to. Don’t do it for anyone else, not the boy or girl you love, not a friend and certainly don’t do it in on a whim.
I wish I’d have listened to this advice before leaving. Perhaps I’d do things differently but there’s no going back. FORWARDS ONLY! 💕
I’m off to Somerset soon for a weekend away with my bestfriend in the entire world. This gives me something to look forward to and a target date to get my shit together!
No matter how hard things may seem, with a little help, anything is possible!