Looking at how far I have come.. Well I’m not sure I believe it.
Am I going through a long manic period? Will I fall back down again? If I do will I fight to get back up? Am I truly okay? Why am I not worried? Why haven’t I cried in weeks? Is this normal? What is normal?
These are the questions I would normally play on repeat in my mind. I would sit and think and over think, then stress, probably cry a little and knacker myself out mentally and physically. I’d over worry about everyday things that my bank balance wasn’t what it should be, that the fuel in my car would run out, that I had to be up for work, that I had to face the day. So why have these thoughts remained but stopped causing me stress? Why are the problems I could never face suddenly solved?
The answer is quite simple. I chose to let them go. I faced them head on and then simply said no to the stress.
Over the last 8 months I’ve gone through feeling as if I’d lost everything to rebuilding my life the way I want it to be (Within reason, I haven’t won the lotto yet!). I’ve stopped obsessing over the things I can’t control. I’ve stopped letting life’s little worries control me.
I look back and I realise I faced almost everything that terrified me all at once and yet I’m still here! Heartbreak, losing my home, redundnacy, the loss of a loved one and the worst belt of depression ive ever had. BUT I’m here and I’m happier than ever.
Ever heard someone say it’s all in your head? Ever felt like punching that person square in the jaw? Yes, me too but, as much as I hate to admit this, they weren’t all that wrong.
Every stress, every worry and every emotion stems from a choice you make. You choose what you worry about. Now I’m not saying I don’t have moments where something sparks panic or cause for concern because I do. What I am saying is I choose to find the solution as opposed to sitting on the problem and letting it upset me. It’s took plenty of practice and I truly believe some of it was down to luck however (without sounding like a happy-go-lucky-hippie) it all comes down to mindfulness and meditation.
Hell no, I don’t meditate. Not in the sense you are thinking right now. My meditation, my stress relief and my way of shutting down the worries is to jump in my car, drive around with the music loud and sing (scream) my heart out. Once I’ve cleared my mind and I feel in control I re-evaluate and tackle my problems.
I haven’t studied a million mindfulness books. Oh boy have I tried. I’ve read sections of so many books, I’ve researched mindfulness online and I’ve spoken and joined groups on the subject but I never found anything that I truly believed. Or so I thought.. perhaps picking up on little pieces fron all over has helped. All I know is as soon as you start practicing letting go of little worries life becomes easier.
For example, I have £10 in the bank to last me the week, I would normally freak out at the thought of this but instead I’m choosing not to. I know I have a roof over my head, fuel in the car, friends to help me if I get stuck! So rather than concern myself and waste my energy worrying I concentrate on what I do have.
It didn’t happen overnight. It took time, patience and practice but it is achievable. I’m not sure what time frame someone should expect to learn and process the change but the months it’s took me seems very quick!
Focus your mind and energy in the right places, say yes to the cake, go dance the night away with girls, stay enthusiastic, say no to the things you dont want to do and don’t sit and stew about where you’ll be in 5 years time.
Merry happy Saturday 💕