So here I am again. Hiding somewhere in the countryside to sit in my car and cry. Why is it that when you finally think things are looking up something happens which sends you spiralling downwards.
I’ve had enough let alone everyone else in my life. I feel like I’m back to square one and I’m exhausted. It’s taking its toll on my friends and family, I appear ungrateful and miserable to all those around me and nothing I am doing is helping. I hate myself.
I know it’s okay to feel this way sometimes but when does it end. Will it ever end or is this is forever? I’m fed up of fighting. I’m digging deep for some positivity.
I’ve got the windows down in the car so I can feel the breeze on my face. It’s calming to some extent and feels good. It’s peaceful and I can cry and scream and let it all out with no-one to judge me.
I’ve never been so torn between needing help and being alone. I know it’ll be okay, it has to be but I’m not sure what it is I need let alone want. I’m so confused and scared. I’m outraged to be back in this place.
I want my blog to be helpful but sometimes I just need to let it out.
Music has become a massive part of my life again. I no longer care if you don’t like the songs I play or if you hate how loud I sing along. Music keeps me going. It’s become some sort of escape and unlike binge watching netflix is has a more uplifting effect. It’s pretty amazing what a good song can do to your mood.
I’m going to be just fine. I know I am. I have the most amazing people in my life and thats all that really matters. Good music, great people and time.
Take a deep breath, everything’s gonna be just fine!