D is for Deflated

feeling-deflated

Deflated

(dɪˈfleɪtɪd)

1.  having lost confidence, hope, or optimism

When she refused, I felt deflated.
                                                                                                                           Collins Eng Dict
 Set with seamless vector pattern hand drawn brushes for illustrator. EPS 10
Yup, just hit the mid-week mark and all I really want to do is curl up in a ball, climb into bed and maybe emerge one day, in the far, farr, farrr away future when life will be all roses and lemonade. Cause that’s exactly what will happen…
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I’m on anti-depressants and it’s become very clear to me that missing even one day of these can cock up and entire week. My throat feels dry and sore, it becomes increasingly hard to swallow and my jaw won’t stop tightening, I can feel my heart thudding in my chest and I’m not sure if it’s an anxiety attack or just how I feel. I’m pretty good at shaking off the panic attacks now, it’s been so long since I last suffered through it I can’t entirely remember how it feels. I just know it’s not nice.
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Even worse than the physical effects are the emotional aspects. Being able to acknowledge how you feel is a great start, convincing yourself that it is to do with your depression or anxiety and that it’s okay is a whole new ball game. Then try getting others to understand it.
Today I feel lost and betrayed. l wouldn’t tell anyone that. I would say I was busy, or too tired so I could avoid

 conversation. It’s not strictly a lie, I’m busy trying to calm my racing heartbeat, trying to quiet the irrational thoughts and trying to convince myself that I will feel differently about everything tomorrow. Most of the time I understand it’s just a phase, even writing this now I know tomorrow will more than likely be a better day. Problem is, that doesn’t make today any easier. I’m still biting back the tears. 

I’m 98% sure that everyone around me has no clue. You really wouldn’t be able to see it. A few of my give-away tells are that my temper gets short(er), the little things really bug me, I lose interest in what’s going on around me and keep myself to myself, I also come to some sort of realisation that I have no friends and annoy people with my existence. Then I have days where I make it crystal clear to everyone around me that I’m having a shit day. People might think I’m just in a mood or being a bitch, which can be the case occasionally, other days I just don’t want to be surrounded by people who make me feel like I’m not worth while.
Friends can mean the best but sometimes it’s better just to accept the situation and not try and fix it. If you don’t really get it, don’t act like you do. It’s not a judgement or a criticism, Heck, we’d rather you didn’t get it! That’d mean you’ve never gone through it, at least not in the same way. I’m lucky enough to have a friend who, even though they come and go, she knows exactly what I need sometimes. You’d be surprised how cleaning up or not saying too much makes a huge difference. It can take your mood from a 2 to an 8 with ease!
thelastpaige says no.

 

A really great read on how depression and anxiety can effect your friendships can be found HERE

I’m not a pro, I can only relay experiences or how I feel. Writing is a great outlet for me and it’s more than just a pass time. I’ve got a little brown book which I write in from time to time when I feel a heightened emotion, whether it be a high or low. It helps to get it all out and I want others to know they don’t have to keep it in.

NHS MOODZONE & HELP – CLICK HERE

 

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